The Exchange, Round One

Round One: Advanced Key-Container Algorithms 101

The warehouse was a mildly impressive sight to behold as Dr. Jenga and his pet entered its vast expanse. On the opposite wall, raised up near the ceiling, a conveyer belt carried a menagerie of containers around the corner before slanting down towards the ground. The boxes deposited there were carried via crane either across the length of the warehouse to be dropped into a tube that returned the item to the beginning of the conveyer belt… or stacked precariously atop the forest of boxes scattered about the center of the room.

Adonis was quick to return his gaze to his hand-held computer Lucinda, however, as it displayed a holographic image of the target – a small key made of tarnished gold. This was going to be the objective to move on to the next round, for both him and his opponent. Without it, the doors leading out from this warehouse would be forever lock. So, logically, the best plan of action was to find the key first and then set the stage for the Raida’s first field test appropriately.

“Haringoth, patrol.”

The beast obeyed without hesitation, leaping to the wall and using it as a springboard to hurdle one of the stacks of boxes and vanish into the mazelike center of the warehouse. That would keep it busy for now, finding any threats in the area and tracking them. Meanwhile, the good doctor himself made a beeline to the nearest box and opened it. Inside, he found a pile of scrap metal and various discarded machine parts. The key was not amongst the junk within, but it still gave Dr. Jenga an idea.

Why waste the physical energy checking all these boxes when you could design a machine to locate the key instead? It was made of tarnished gold, and it was unlikely that any of the other boxes would contain gold. And even if they did, just knowing which boxes contained golden objects would severely cut down the number of boxes he’d have to check. So, using Lucinda’s stylus to sketch out a quick schematic for the device, the scientist went to work gathering parts.

He was left alone for the most part to work on his mechanical brain-child, Haringoth off to wherever the beast had gone on its patrol around the warehouse. Dr. Jenga was uninterrupted in his project until he emptied the box of all useful components and ventured off into the forest of crates to find more. Rounding around a stack of cardboard boxes, all with the up arrow pointed to the right for some unknown reason, he stumbled across another individual amongst the crates.

His opponent – for who else could this person be but his opponent? – didn’t seem like much at first glance. He was, in fact, almost unnaturally average – average weight for his height, average build, and average physical appearance. His shoulder-length blond hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and his black eyes were unhindered by bangs. In fact, it was the lack of bangs that made the only unusual part of him all the more visible – a strange marking displayed just above his brow. A tilaka-esque dot was prominently displayed in the center of his forehead, though unlike the Hindu symbol, it was flanked on either side by a series of three curved lines.

This was the symbol of the Vice.

However, there was also an open box at the foot of one of the towers with more useful scrap inside. It was now a matter of priorities. And Adonis knew what was more important.

“Ahem…” The figure calmly adjusted his black tie, attempting to garner the scientist’s attention as the latter pulled various knickknacks out of the box and eyed them critically. “Greetings, I take it that you are to be my opponent?”

Dr. Jenga glanced up briefly from the box he was perusing at his opponent, who was now old news in comparison to the unknown wonders of the container. Staring at Saligia for a moment, he adjusted his monocle slowly one way and then the other. A mild tension filled the air before the scientist turned his attentions back to the box. Nothing new had changed. His opponent was still dull-looking and unimportant compared to the potential for science.

“Yes, yes.” Dr. Jenga waved his hand dismissively as he pulled out what looked like part of a car transmission. “I suppose I am. Hmm, no. This won’t do at all.”

Saliga’s eyes flickered a pale violet. He could sense the sin of Pride in this man, but it was rather… strange. It wasn’t a pride of one’s self, of arrogance and an inflated sense of self-worth. It was different, as if his pride lay in something else. It was… interesting, to say the least.

“May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

That got Dr. Jenga’s attention, since it gave him a chance to enlighten someone on the wonders of science. His head rose up from the depths of the cardboard box, his visible black-hued eye glittering. He had a windshield wiper in one hand now.

“Science, my boy, SCIENCE! More specifically, I’m designing a Midian Access Item Locator device to track and obtain the required item in a quick and efficient manner.” He waved the car part about in a circular motion. “It will be the solution to this problem! I’m going to call it the MAILkey Generator for short.”

“… Science, you say?”

“Of course I said science. Science is the solution to everything. Anything and everything that exists can be explained through science and mathematic principles. It’s merely a matter of applying yourself, you see.” He posed dramatically with the wiper, pointing it straight up at the ceiling. “There is no limit to what SCIENCE can achieve!”

The purple of Saliga’s eyes deepened as the realization dawned on him. He understood now, understood why it felt different than the others. This one’s pride was in the man-made concept of science rather than in himself. However, with it, the man believed anything could be accomplished. And through that was his sin, his arrogant belief that his science was infallible. This would have to be corrected, through penance.

“So, you believe that science can solve any problem?”

The windshield wiper waggled irritably in Saliga’s direction.

“I just said that, boy. Pay attention.”

Around Dr. Jenga, the boxes seemed to melt away, leaving the doctor in a small chamber of hewn stone. The doctor responded to this sudden and strange change with mild disinterest, since it was delaying the construction of MAILkey. That disinterest melted away when he decided to figure out how this chamber ended up in the warehouse, and he soon was engrossed with checking statistics and environmental compounds with Lucinda.

“What about things science cannot answer?” Sal’s voice echoed through the chamber, still as calm and even as before despite Dr. Jenga’s antics. “Like magic, for example?”

In a brilliant plume of red smoke, a gaunt old man appeared, draped in a robe of crimson. His almost comically long, white beard cascaded down to the dusty floor before curling back up a couple inches. His shoulder-length hair was just as unkempt, spilling out of a floppy wide-brimmed witch’s hat. All in all, it was more or less what Adonis thought of when someone brought up something as silly as the concept of magic.

Eldritch words poured out of the old wizard’s mouth, his hands moving in strange gestures as he bent the power of the universe under his will. Electricity crackled between his fingertips before a bolt of lightning shrieked across the empty air between him and the scientist. The latter, however – without glancing away from his hand-held computer – took the exhaust pipe that he had set at his feet during his perusal and jammed it into a gap between the stones in the floor. The lightning struck the metal object and disappeared.

“Lightning takes the easiest route to the earth, and metal conducts electricity.” He pressed a button on Lucinda. “Science wins.”

The next spell summoned a fierce gout of flame from the mage’s outstretched hands, but again the scientist was ready with a counter. Pulling out a small pez dispenser that proudly displayed Albert Einstein’s head, he ejected one of the tablets into his waiting palm. The tablet obediently transformed into what looked like a high-powered hose nozzle, and the water that gushed out just as obediently put out the flames. The device was then returned to its tablet shape and returned to the dispenser for recharging.

It went on like this for a little while, which each attempt at magic somehow or another being deflected by the mad doctor’s various gadgets and scientific knowledge. Ice storms melted to warm raindrops under the might of an unnecessarily powerful flamethrower. A powerful windstorm was harnessed by a miniature windmill-like device. Even attempts to cause structural collapse through earthquakes were quickly met with scientifically proven methods to strengthen the walls and ceiling to be able to resist such destruction.

“Your trust and knowledge in science is… unnaturally uncanny.”

“Look, do you mind?” Dr. Jenga adjusted his monocle as he glanced irritably around the stone chamber, the wizard’s acid attack blocked with a proper base to reduce it to water and simple sugars. “I have a device to finish. If you need someone to play with that badly, then play with my pet instead.”

“Pet?”

“Haringoth, come.”

A creak from above was the only forewarning Saliga received as the beast released its hold on one of the cranes overhead. Diving to the side, the Vice narrowly missed being crushed under its monstrous frame; a spider web of cracks spreading out from the point of impact. Haringoth’s head snapped towards its target, snarling ferally and baring all three sets of needle-like teeth.

Sal instinctively went for the creature’s mind, attempting to bring up memories of its Sin, to confuse and disorient it with his illusions once he was far enough way to shape such things. The mind he came across, however, was strange and alien – not human in the slightest. In fact, it was impossible to pick up any Sin whatsoever. He would’ve dwelled on the matter longer, but Haringoth was on him in an instant and forced him to backpedal away as a powerful swing brought a tower of boxes crashing down. The contents spilled out onto the floor – children’s toys, home and garden magazines, and the pieces of numerous jigsaw puzzles.

“What is this thing? Can something this monstrous truly be without sin?”

Haringoth roared through the raining puzzle pieces and toddler’s toys, swiping for Sal’s head and neck with two of its three arms. The nimble Vice dropped to the ground to avoid the claws and then rolled to the side to avoid being trampled. Twisting mid-roll and landing in a crouch, Saliga reached into his business jacket and withdrew a black policeman’s tonfa. A single button press and it extended to its full length with a solid clicking sound.

“Sin is a funny thing,” Dr. Jenga commented offhandedly as the illusion of the wizard and the stone room faded away. “Ah, that’s much better.”

Saliga scrambled to his feet as soon as his weapon was extended, and quickly found himself making extensive use of it. The narrow metal pole quickly deflected another series of clawed slashes at his throat and midsection. Retreating backwards, his egress was quickly interrupted as he tripped over a plastic shopping bag filled with ripe tomatoes and fresh lettuce. Haringoth was quick to take full advantage of his blunder, but its dangerous fangs scraped against the metal of the tonfa instead of the softer flesh of the Vice’s throat.

“Anyway, as I was saying, sin relies in belief in a greater power for it to have any hold. What is sin if one doesn’t believe they’ll be judged by some grand being in the afterlife?”

Saliga could feel his arms shaking as he used both to keep Haringoth’s maw away from his vitals. As things stood at the moment, the beast was using the metal tonfa like an oversized chewtoy, and he wasn’t sure how much longer it would last. A quick glance to his peripherals gave him a view of two clawed hands digging into the ground to aid in bearing down on the Vice.

… But the monster had three arms at its disposal.

Tucking his arms into his chest and rolling, Sal dodged the third claw as it came slashing down where his shoulder had been. Compressing himself down into a small ball, he managed to roll right under Haringoth’s elongated arms, leaving the beast to chew on the floor instead of his flesh. The Vice looked to his battered tonfa, which had been bent and dented all over from the monster’s fangs. It would definitely need replacing.

“Humans are the only creatures that worry about these things, you know.” Dr. Jenga’s voice was slightly muffled from his head and upper torso being completely inside one of the crates. “Is there an afterlife? Is there a higher power that governs us all, keeping tabs on what we do? My pet here, however, is not human.”

With a sharp cracking and grinding sound, Haringoth ripped up a chunk of the floor through the force of its jaw alone. Pieces of the hunk of concrete cascaded back down to the ground, kicking up a small plume of dust and debris. The beast was quick to spit it out again, however, and turn to face its far softer prey. It snarled.

“To accuse it of sinning would be akin to calling a wolf a sinner for killing and eating a deer. Which is, of course, no sin at all.”

Dr. Jenga absentmindedly pulled another piece of scrap out of the box next to him, turning it this way and that as he examined it.

“And you are the deer in this situation.”

Saliga laughed, a dangerous edge crawling into his normally calm voice.

“I am sorry, but I believe you have the matter confused. I am the hunter, not the hunted.” His stance slowly changed, moving his center of gravity lower to the ground as his eyes brightened from black to crimson. “I am sorry… but… I won’t be stopped here!”

With his own guttural roar, the Wrath-induced Saliga charged towards Haringoth with blinding speed. A claw slash was easily avoided, the Vice leaping over the beast’s hunched over frame and slamming the damaged tonfa against the side of its skull. The creature tilted slightly to one side under the force of the blow, but recovered quickly and backhanded the enraged Vice with its third arm. The strike was strong enough to send Sal flying through two towers of boxes before coming to rest embedded in a pyramid of wooden crates.

Growling both in anger and in pain, Saliga moved to extradite himself from the boxes, but winced as something bit into his arm. One of the broken boxes on his right was filled with kitchen cutlery, all of which were quite sharp. Grinning savagely, the Vice abandoned his battered tonfa and took up a small cleaver and a long steak knife. Rearmed with vastly more dangerous weaponry, he lurched from his impromptu seat as Haringoth gave chase.

Rounding a corner, Saliga pressed himself up against the tower of boxes and waited for but a moment before leaping back out at the oncoming beast. The surprised Haringoth twisted to avoid the sudden appearance of its now-violent prey, but not before getting a sizable cut in the forearm from the Vice’s newly acquired cleaver. The monster roared in surprise and pain as it wheeled around to a sharp stop.

As soon as it was halted, however, Haringoth was after Saliga again with explosive force. The Vice made ample use of his two bladed weapons, but the beast was wise to his new toys and used its leathery carapace on its back and shoulders to great effect. Each swing found the tougher, chitin-like plates instead of its intended target and failed to draw blood. After another fruitless attempt of dexterous dodging and slashing, Saliga leapt back and readied himself for another onslaught.

It was a loud bang that gave him enough warning to turn and see the magazine come streaking through the air and slashing into his side – the pages cutting through his clothing like small knives before the magazine imbedded itself in a box. The exposed section drooped towards the ground.

Quite a distance away, Dr. Jenga loaded the rest of the home and garden magazines into the backpack portion of Codex – a strange invention of his that turned reading material into highly destructive projectiles. He cocked the gun part of the Codex and grinned widely at the surprised Vice. Dangling from his pinky was a small key ring and, from it, dangled a small tarnished gold key.

“Now I believe I can give you my full attention, and enlighten you to the superiority of SCIENCE.”

Another razor-sharp magazine exploded from the Dust Buster-like barrel of the Codex, whistling through the air as it shrieked towards Saliga. The Vice was aware of his new opponent this time around, however, and quickly lurched to one side to avoid the oncoming projectile. Haringoth, however, wasn’t about to let him get away that easily and tackled Sal like a pro football player. The horns sprouting from the beast dug into the man’s chest as they careened through stack after stack of precariously stacked containers.

The noise was thunderous as the numerous crates and cardboard boxes slammed against the floor, tossing the contents and dust into the air. Accompanying the cacophony of sounds was a solid gong as the charging Haringoth’s path is finally interrupted by a large metal crate set against the wall. A clawed hand on each shoulder to keep Saliga pinned in the indentation their joint impact had caused, the beast takes no time before clamping down on the Vice’s neck with its razor-sharp fangs.

Saliga screamed in anguish, writhing under the weight of the beast bearing down on him. His wrath-addled mind managed to realize that he still had his weapons, and wildly slashed and chopped at Haringoth with both cleaver and knife. Both found purchase, but the monster’s third arm was quick to pin the arm wielding the cleaver, bending the joint back until the Vice had no choice but to let the weapon drop to the ground with a clatter. Left only with the steak knife, he continued to swing and stab, but a simple change in position while feeding left the blade only finding the tougher plates of Haringoth’s back.

His strength undone and his weapons made ineffective, Saliga could only continue to wail and scream as the doctor’s pet consumed him piece by piece. The doctor himself, however, had moved to a different part of the warehouse altogether, gazing up at the two doors. One of them red, the other blue. He spun the tarnished gold key idly around his finger as he examined them.

Dr. Jenga measured the rate at which the steam poured out of the glowing crimson door, and then checked the thermometer he had attached to the frigid blue door. He entered both numbers into his handheld computer, and then tapped the key against his chin. He could only open one door, so he had to be quite sure of which one he wanted to take.

A problem easily solved by science.

As the doctor finished his tests and data collection, his experiment lumbered out from the maze of boxes. It still bore several wounds from the scrap with Saliga, but its increased regenerative ability was at work sealing up the lesser cuts and scrapes. The only other noticeable change was the brief flash of crimson in its eyes, and the identifiable series of rings of the Vice’s tattoo around the horn in the middle of its forehead.

“Done eating? Good. My tests are complete.”

Dr. Jenga adjusted his monocle before pointing dramatically at the icy Blue Door.

“We shall take this path. Cold is easier to ward off than heat, after all.” He grinned in self-satisfaction has he approached the metal lockbox set betwixt the two portals. “It’s only logical.”

A twist of the key and the two doors rumbled open. A gout of scalding steam poured out of the red door into the warehouse like a volcano’s pyroclastic flow, causing the cardboard boxes nearest the portal to droop and wilt under the sudden onslaught of heat and humidity. Haringoth didn’t seem all that phased by it, but the good doctor was quick to jerk away from the burning heat.

The Blue Door was less severe. A chill, biting wind whipped through its open maw, carrying with it a few stray snowflakes. These delicate crystals drifted to the warehouse floor and quickly melted away, leaving small drops of water in their wake. Dr. Jenga approached the door, feeling goose bumps form along his arms. However, a quick delve into one of the pockets of his jacket produced an aerosol spray can labeled cutely with the title “Sweater in a Can.” He shook it briskly.

“Well then. Let us be off. There is more science to be had!”